The 355: "👏More👏 female 👏war criminal...o wait I mean 👏 secret agents 👏" ⭐⭐

Rob Ryan

The 355 is a tired and trite spy thriller and is yet more proof (for me at least) that the whole genre has lost its edge. Especially considering that our society has only gotten more socially aware of how evil and corrupt secret services and other military and intelligence agencies are, so much so that simply taking a "girl boss" approach to their propaganda commercials and espionage flicks just doesn't cut it anymore.

This does not even account for the fact that this film is very behind the times, in both relevancy and originality. Would you believe that in the year of our lord 2022 that Hollywood is still making movies about cyberterrorism and how the entire plot hinges on one computer chip that has the power to hack and compromise any electronic device? Had this come out in the mid to late 2000s when our society was becoming more and more digitised then it would have been pertinent to that period of time, but as of right now this plot doesn't warrant any sort of surprise or interest and has been done far better in more creative ways.

Our globetrotting adventure begins when the chip/Mcguffin in question is taken by a National Intelligence Directorate agent (Edgar Ramirez) after raiding the home of a Columbian drug Barron, he then runs away to Paris to hide from the buyer who the Barron was selling it to (Jason Flemming). Fearing a world war 3 ESC scenario if placed in the wrong hands, The CIA has no choice but to send one of its best agents, A mysterious and uncompromising wild card (Jessica Chastain) and her partner both romantic and otherwise (Sebastian Stan) To explain what happens further would only take up so much of this review as there are so many characters and locations and intricacies in the plot that at best this film becomes very crowded. But all I'll say is that the plot leads to our protagonist teaming up with a BND agent (Diane Kruger) who is also hired to find the chip and a former MI6 agent (Lupita Nyong'o) who serves as the movie's obligatory "hacker man" (or in this case woman) with the power to hack practically every electronic device only with the power of a small smartphone, giving them access to infiltrate private events, set people's phone's off with the touch of a button, or find out about people's details with just a face scan, making everything that much easy for our characters.

It's too bad that her hacking skills don't apply to encryptions on people's phones, then we wouldn't have a therapist for NID agents (Penelope Cruz) tagging along with them as she was acquainted with the agent who stole the chip and had set a tracker for it on his phone that only he and her can access.

There are a couple of downtime moments where the characters reminisce about who was their first kill as well as other amusing moments they remember during their time on the field. There are also some vague and passive attempts to address the corruption and moral bankruptcy of the services they are puppets for. The 355 might have been more interesting had it taken that a few steps further to comment on the pointless bloodshed and slaughter that has come with that corruption in pursuit of world domination that they are unknowingly or otherwise complicit in. As it is the movie is predictable and could have been made from a digital composition of other movies that have come before it. All the genre boxes are ticked, there are the big location shots with text telling the audience where they are, the generic Hans Zimmer ESC action score that has existed in every action film since the early 2000s fills every space of the setpieces, There are twists and turns that are supposed to be surprising but anyone with half a brain or who has seen any spy movie ever would be calling it a good hour before said twist occurs, and the cinematographer and editor make sure that every action scene is as confusing and disorientating as possible. The worst examples include a sequence in Morroco which feels like it was quickly rushed and finished in a big sound stage with no sense of Geography and a shootout involving strobe lighting which gives you no choice but to shut your eyes to avoid having epilepsy.

It should be noted that the movie was co-written and directed by Simon Kinberg who's co-written a dozen adequate to mediocre action films, he is also responsible for co-writing and directing one of the most boring instalments in the X-Men franchise which infamously featured a line about how the name "should be changed to X Women" It's nice to know that someone in Hollywood was probably watching that scene and thinking "Yep this is our guy to make our all female-led spy thriller"

The cast does as best they can with what the screenplay can allow. Jessica Chastain who's "don't take sh*"t from anyone" persona which was utilised much better in films like Miss Sloane and Molly's Game still remains a luminous screen presence, the same can be said for Diane Kruger. Lupita Nyong'o is easily the best actress in the film and has an emotional moment that she plays very convincingly, Penelope Cruz remains the weak link of the characters as her inexperience in the field feels like it's almost being played for laughs which undermines the seriousness of each moment. Despite the shortcomings of a very flimsy script, they do well overall serving life to otherwise lifeless characters.

There's probably a decent way that the spy flick can be subverted and given a whole fresh perspective like the one I described earlier, the movie doesn't find it and all the attempts at social commentary feel like an afterthought, the end result is just a very very lame movie that feels a decade out of date and will most likely be forgotten about by the end of the year.

Mild spoiler: why did that final shot of the bus going past Jessica Chastain (which is also featured in the trailers) look like she got hit by the bus Final Destination style?

The 355 is out in cinemas now